the 5 love languages.
when do you feel the most loved? and how do you feel the most loved?
is it someone doing the dishes for you? or telling you that you look lovely today? or someone sitting extra close to you and giving you long meaningful hugs? is it undivided full attention? or is it receiving little gifts that you know they specifically chose for you?
everyone has a different measure of giving and receiving love. according to Gary Chapman in “5 Love Languages,” there are various forms of expressing and interpreting love, and through identifying each other’s primary love languages, much miscommunication can be cleared up. even with various cultures and people groups, there lies 5 categories or languages that prove to be universal and comprehensive.
everyone has a love language- we all identify with one of the primary love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
don’t know what i’m talking about? lemme me shed some light on this by talking about MY top 3 love languages :)
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#1: Quality Time.
Quality time means togetherness… not sitting in front of the TV together but sitting together, giving each other your total undivided attention. This means looking at each other, talking to each other, not at each other. The author of this book shows through example how couples can spend all kinds of time with each other and not really be quality time and vise-versa. Couples can spend small amounts of time together and it can be quality time. Whatever the activity we choose, we need to give each other our full-undivded attention. “The activity is a vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness.”
#2 Words of Affirmation.
Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouraging word, kind words and humble words are all ways to show love using verbal communication. One of the deepest needs in many people is the need to feel appreciated. Words of affirmations will meet this need for many people. This book talks about the fact that a lot of people have more potential than they will ever know and that in some case what holds them back is the lack of encouragement.
#3 Physical Touch.
We all know of the 5 senses: sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch. Of these, physical touch is very different from the rest. Sight is through our eyes, hearing is through our ears, taste is through our tongue, but touch is not limited to our fingers. We have tiny tactile receptors all over our bodies and when these receptors are touched or pressed, nerves carry impulses to the brain and the brain interprets these impulses. An embrace or a loving hand on the arm can express safety, security, fullness of acceptance, or a sense of protection.
Touch can make or break a relationship and for who’s love language is touch, it can speak 10 times louder than any words you may use.
[taken and modified from a love language quiz]
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note that these don’t apply only to couples, but to everyone around you. friends and family all express and interpret love in various manners as well. it’s our job to really recognize these patterns and show love selflessly by understanding each other’s language of love.
